Alan Simpson claims he misspoke back in August when he called Social Security “a milk cow with 310 million tits.”

He explains,

“I meant to say that America was a milk cow with 300 million teats, and not just Social Security.”

Oh. Okay. So Social Security is not the only way we suck at our nation’s teat, huh? Since he’s pushing to cut defense along with Social Security, I guess he’s arguing that our servicemen and women are just a bunch of freeloaders.

But I’m curious.

Back in August, Simpson said Social Security had 310 million tits–presumably counting every American since every American participates in Social Security. His revised statement says America has just 300 million tits.

So where’d the other 10 million tit-sucking Americans go?

My guess? Simpson doesn’t want to hurt the fee fees of any of the MOTUs who mythologize their own accomplishments even while ignoring that they are themselves the chief teat-suckers.

So there you have Alan Simpson’s census of America. 300 million of us are deadbeat teat-suckers. And the MOTUs? I guess they are the poor cow.